Anyhow (hehe, I love how that sounds - I really say "anyway," but my dear friend Kate always says "anyhow" and I find it so amusing I might just switch), I'm sitting here in the airport... going back and forth between reading, playing around on Facebook, people-watching (nothing too exciting yet, I give the people-watching a C- today), obsessively checking my email for photo comments/wall post replies/messages/my husband to chat with me on gtalk (the last activity being pretty hopeless... I think he's very busy today).
So I'm (finally) reading Eat, Pray, Love. I'm not as enthralled as I thought I would be (based on the rave reviews it's gotten over the past... few years? is it that old?), but it's a pretty good read. I don't like her writing style sometimes... seems contrived, and then other times it's perfect and so real, like - "I know exactly what she means!" Right now she's in India, on a search for devotion. I feel like I am always on a search for devotion, but I never really get anywhere... probably because I make the plans, I book the flight, I research exciting excursions, and then I just sit on my butt and watch my shows and play around aimlessly online while the trip seemingly passes me up. I guess I should probably realize that it doesn't require that much pre-planning and hype, and that it's not a train you've got to hop on or you've been left behind. I think I feel left behind a lot and I just sit back and wistfully watch the train leave. Something she wrote really resonated with me, because it seems to very much describe me, so I'd like to share.
...Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well -- that would be the end of the universe... "but try dropping it... why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential? Why don't you just let it be?" I hear this argument and it appeals to me. I believe in it, intellectually. I really do. But then I wonder -- with all my restless yearning, with all my hyped-up fervor... what should I do with my energy instead? ...Look for God, suggests my Guru. Look for God like a man with his head on fire for water."
I don't know that I really want to expound on how this makes me feel right now on such a semi-public blog, but it makes me feel something. We'll leave it at that for now. Well, that and I'm sure my husband would LOVE to know that I do in fact realize that I am a control freak. :)
On a lighter note, we just got back from Hawaii on Sunday afternoon (by the way, I'm pretty sick of airports, layovers, and bumpy/nerve-wracking plane rides at this point!), and it was (Kate's favorite word - wow, Kate, do you feel special in this post or what?!) FANTASTIC! Being in such a beautiful place, surrounded by such wonderful people was an incredible way to spend my first week off! I'll post later (maybe...) with pictures and a brief synopsis of our awesome vacation! The wedding was off the charts and Andrea was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen - okay yes, I will definitely have a post dedicated to Hawaii, just now right this minute.
Okay, well I've managed to make it to 4:13... making good progress, it's almost time! I think I'll go call my mom now. It's been too long, I miss her, and she just texted me the same thing
